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 為何與自己過不去? 
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 11:05 pm
文章: 2206
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文章 為何與自己過不去?
最近,在胡亂思考時,突發奇想的問了這個問題?
在我的工作,接觸到好多由於各種原因而對自己
失去了自信的人士,而這些日子,在這裡也看到不少的留言者
有時也會傾訴著失去了自信等。。。

為何人們常常跟自己過不去呢?
寧願聽從別人毫無根據的批評,
卻很少去記得別人對自己的稱贊
更少去注意自己的優勢和長處。。。
當然,在那一方面走錯了路、犯了錯時,
是應該勇於認錯和從中學習和自我增值。
但也不需因此而固定了並掩沒了自己的潛能呀?!

在這,希望大家在感到失落時,
當我們的自信被動搖時,
要記得愛我們的人對我們的贊語,
更別忘了去記得自己的長處。
要對自己多點信心!
至少多愛自己多一些!
加油啦!!!


週二 6月 12, 2007 1:47 am
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 9:37 pm
文章: 2289
來自: Space Panda Team 008
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講得對。
謝謝提醒。
不時要給予自己信心才能開心堅持活著我們嚮往的生活。

_________________
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趕到見忙碌的黑武士, 不亦乐乎?


週二 6月 12, 2007 2:52 am
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 8:31 pm
文章: 750
來自: Down Under
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文章 
素贞但愿我有你的智慧,
有一件事情困扰了我很久。

我有一个很要好的朋友,
被她8年的男朋友劈腿,
2个月,我跟她一路走来,
看着她的心路转变:
无法置信-〉悲伤 -〉妥协-〉悲愤-〉报复
就是不愿意接受那人已变了心的事实。
除了悲伤的阶段,
其余的我都不能与她共鸣。

我记得也to a certain extend赞成刘德华说过的一句话:
"对于朋友,我们只需要支持,哪怕那是盲目的,
如果我要个人告诉我什么是对,什么是错,
我需要的是个法官而不是朋友”
我希望我可以是个这样的朋友。
但原来盲目支持很难做得到,
我的道德观念与良知阻止了我,
我觉得她在钻牛角尖,
她的一切想法,所有的结果都只是两败俱伤。

我可以在我脑海里看见一个画面,
她一直往一个无敌深洞跑下去,
其实她只要一转身把这扇门关上,
往后那狗男女的一切与她无关就好了,
但她选择不放手,
她得不到的也不能让别人得到。

我明白每个人爱的程度都不一样,
那天无意间看见电视上播的刑事IV,
宣萱说:“我不会喜欢一个人多过喜欢我自己”
我就是这种人,而她恰好相反。
我想我帮不到她的地方也是因为我不了解她的心情。

有一天我跟另一个好友说起这件事,
她说:you are just a human.
我知道I am just a human,
所以我希望我能帮助我爱的人。

我不知道如何把她从这泥沼里拉出来,
你能告诉我该怎么做吗?

_________________
不必为你所做的任何事情感到后悔,因为在那一刻,那就是你最想要的


週二 6月 12, 2007 8:41 am
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 6:06 pm
文章: 1532
來自: 中國~~smooth away❤
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說得很對阿~
真的要多愛自己,
積極的態度生活~

_________________
圖檔
*add oil!DV讓我勇敢~毅行·魚樂樂^_^
❤๑Sweet Dream All Night๑❤


週二 6月 12, 2007 8:45 am
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 11:05 pm
文章: 2206
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Queen,
首先,你說得很對,你是不可能完全了解她,因為你們都是兩個不同的人。
你能做的就是聆聽著她的痛苦傷悲。當她談到要報復時,你可問她有什麼實際的計划。
是否她真的很認真要報復呢?你也可以試想她要報復是因為她感覺到是否。。。不公平?
被傷到了、背叛的感覺確實很心痛的。她報復想要討回什麼呢?
若成功,她希望要傳達給那女的什麼message呢?男友會因此而回到身邊嗎?
若是真的無法勸改她的意念,你最多能做的就是讓她知道她還有一個在精神上支持著她的朋友,
雖你不同意她的想法,但你看得出她的痛而你不同意是因為你擔心最終受到傷的還是她自己。
不如試著鼓勵她找專業的輔導員?

all the best...take heart, you have done your best...it's ultimately still her choice...


週二 6月 12, 2007 9:00 am
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 8:31 pm
文章: 750
來自: Down Under
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文章 
Thanks Soo Jen,
I will try to talk to her again,
but it seems to be getting harder everyday :(

_________________
不必为你所做的任何事情感到后悔,因为在那一刻,那就是你最想要的


週二 6月 12, 2007 9:08 am
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 25, 2007 11:20 am
文章: 7131
來自: Boston
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文章 
Queen Amidala 寫:
素贞但愿我有你的智慧,
有一件事情困扰了我很久。

我有一个很要好的朋友,
被她8年的男朋友劈腿,
2个月,我跟她一路走来,
看着她的心路转变:
无法置信-〉悲伤 -〉妥协-〉悲愤-〉报复
就是不愿意接受那人已变了心的事实。
除了悲伤的阶段,
其余的我都不能与她共鸣。

我记得也to a certain extend赞成刘德华说过的一句话:
"对于朋友,我们只需要支持,哪怕那是盲目的,
如果我要个人告诉我什么是对,什么是错,
我需要的是个法官而不是朋友”
我希望我可以是个这样的朋友。
但原来盲目支持很难做得到,
我的道德观念与良知阻止了我,
我觉得她在钻牛角尖,
她的一切想法,所有的结果都只是两败俱伤。

我可以在我脑海里看见一个画面,
她一直往一个无敌深洞跑下去,
其实她只要一转身把这扇门关上,
往后那狗男女的一切与她无关就好了,
但她选择不放手,
她得不到的也不能让别人得到。

我明白每个人爱的程度都不一样,
那天无意间看见电视上播的刑事IV,
宣萱说:“我不会喜欢一个人多过喜欢我自己”
我就是这种人,而她恰好相反。
我想我帮不到她的地方也是因为我不了解她的心情。

有一天我跟另一个好友说起这件事,
她说:you are just a human.
我知道I am just a human,
所以我希望我能帮助我爱的人。

我不知道如何把她从这泥沼里拉出来,
你能告诉我该怎么做吗?




wow! Queen, 你所提到劉華的一番話﹐我記得我幾個月前在“志雲飯局”看過。TO BE HONEST﹐我以前曾經是華迷(現在為何不是就不多講了)。 我喜歡他﹐因為發覺我和他很多的想法和性格都很相似和認同(當然也因為他靚仔啦 :wink: )﹐尤其他那種對朋友的看法﹐就算到現在我都是追求著這種RELATIONSHIP。 盲目支持是很難的﹐尤其當大家的道得標準是太過分歧。所以經過我這麼多年和對很多不同朋有的付出後﹐我現在只會很小心去選擇誰是我的“盲目支持”朋友。那些朋友當然是在很多方面都要和我很“夾”﹐而且經歷過一些考驗才行。
看完你跟你朋友的事後﹐ 我覺得如你真的很想幫這個朋友﹐就應該“放手”。有很多人往往要做過﹐跌過﹐才心息﹐才學懂。而你身為局外人就反以很容易抽身去處理。 所以讓她做她想做的﹐但你亦都講她知道你對整件事情的看法﹐你是不認同她的﹐但因為你是她的朋友﹐你會在她再因為這個決定而面對困難會再繼續支持她﹐那麼我覺得這就是劉華和我認為的“盲目支持”。 你這樣做﹐一方面會讓你的朋友安心些﹐知道會有你這個朋友去“撐”她﹔另一方面如將來她這段relationship end up 如你所說般﹐亦都能令你朋友跟加信任你。 :wink:
hope 我所寫的是make sense﹐ 因為在boston這刻都已是夜深了﹐所以如我的文法有MISTAKE﹐請多多包涵。 :wink:

_________________
咸豬 手痕之作 ~~

圖檔


週二 6月 12, 2007 11:40 am
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 25, 2007 11:20 am
文章: 7131
來自: Boston
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soo jen 寫:
Queen,
首先,你說得很對,你是不可能完全了解她,因為你們都是兩個不同的人。
你能做的就是聆聽著她的痛苦傷悲。當她談到要報復時,你可問她有什麼實際的計划。
是否她真的很認真要報復呢?你也可以試想她要報復是因為她感覺到是否。。。不公平?
被傷到了、背叛的感覺確實很心痛的。她報復想要討回什麼呢?
若成功,她希望要傳達給那女的什麼message呢?男友會因此而回到身邊嗎?
若是真的無法勸改她的意念,你最多能做的就是讓她知道她還有一個在精神上支持著她的朋友,
雖你不同意她的想法,但你看得出她的痛而你不同意是因為你擔心最終受到傷的還是她自己。
不如試著鼓勵她找專業的輔導員?

all the best...take heart, you have done your best...it's ultimately still her choice...




soojen, i think in a way, we have a same point..... :wink:
i would like to reply yours more, but too late tonight, type too long for queen above..haha..i will come back tomorrow! night night

_________________
咸豬 手痕之作 ~~

圖檔


週二 6月 12, 2007 11:42 am
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 4:24 pm
文章: 18581
來自: 星空之下 彩云之南
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agree.
加油哦。。。 :wink:

_________________
人生若只如初见,何事秋风悲画扇。
等闲变却故人心,却道故人心易变。
support DV forever.:)


週二 6月 12, 2007 1:08 pm
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註冊時間: 週二 2月 27, 2007 5:08 am
文章: 1517
來自: New Zealand/Space Panda Team
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Very much agree with shortround & soo jen!! Queen Amidala, you have done what you can as a friend!! You may want to get her to think about why she wants to revenge like soo jen suggested. However, at the end of the day, she'll have to think it over herself and to get over it over time. There is nothing more you can do to help!! I was once in a similar situation like her and I was unhappy for about 3 months and I know all my friends were very concerned about me ... then suddenly one day, I woke up and thought to myself "why should I be unhappy over something that I did not do wrong?" and since that day on everything just totally turned around and I became a happy person once & for all.

It's a matter of life that we can lose confidence in ourselves during down times. It is very important to remember to love ourselves ..... More importantly, we should not forget to praise and encourage our family and friends at times when it is difficult for them.

_________________
圖檔


週二 6月 12, 2007 1:34 pm
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 8:31 pm
文章: 750
來自: Down Under
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shortround 寫:
wow! Queen, 你所提到劉華的一番話﹐我記得我幾個月前在“志雲飯局”看過。TO BE HONEST﹐我以前曾經是華迷(現在為何不是就不多講了)。 我喜歡他﹐因為發覺我和他很多的想法和性格都很相似和認同(當然也因為他靚仔啦 :wink: )﹐尤其他那種對朋友的看法﹐就算到現在我都是追求著這種RELATIONSHIP。 盲目支持是很難的﹐尤其當大家的道得標準是太過分歧。所以經過我這麼多年和對很多不同朋有的付出後﹐我現在只會很小心去選擇誰是我的“盲目支持”朋友。那些朋友當然是在很多方面都要和我很“夾”﹐而且經歷過一些考驗才行。
看完你跟你朋友的事後﹐ 我覺得如你真的很想幫這個朋友﹐就應該“放手”。有很多人往往要做過﹐跌過﹐才心息﹐才學懂。而你身為局外人就反以很容易抽身去處理。 所以讓她做她想做的﹐但你亦都講她知道你對整件事情的看法﹐你是不認同她的﹐但因為你是她的朋友﹐你會在她再因為這個決定而面對困難會再繼續支持她﹐那麼我覺得這就是劉華和我認為的“盲目支持”。 你這樣做﹐一方面會讓你的朋友安心些﹐知道會有你這個朋友去“撐”她﹔另一方面如將來她這段relationship end up 如你所說般﹐亦都能令你朋友跟加信任你。 :wink:
hope 我所寫的是make sense﹐ 因為在boston這刻都已是夜深了﹐所以如我的文法有MISTAKE﹐請多多包涵。 :wink:


So touching, thank you so much for your reply.
Don't worry about grammar, who cares about it?
Yes it was “志雲飯局”where I heard that thing :)
Thanks for reminding me coz I have a very bad memory.

I think what you said has shed some light to what and which direction I should think,
I think I have to change the position I am standing,
If she doesn't want me to pull her I will stand behind her.
Catch her when she falls.

But no, I cannot let go of her.
I have to hang around until the end.
This much I can do being a friend.

_________________
不必为你所做的任何事情感到后悔,因为在那一刻,那就是你最想要的


週二 6月 12, 2007 2:05 pm
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 8:31 pm
文章: 750
來自: Down Under
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GraceC 寫:
Very much agree with shortround & soo jen!! Queen Amidala, you have done what you can as a friend!! You may want to get her to think about why she wants to revenge like soo jen suggested. However, at the end of the day, she'll have to think it over herself and to get over it over time. There is nothing more you can do to help!! I was once in a similar situation like her and I was unhappy for about 3 months and I know all my friends were very concerned about me ... then suddenly one day, I woke up and thought to myself "why should I be unhappy over something that I did not do wrong?" and since that day on everything just totally turned around and I became a happy person once & for all.

It's a matter of life that we can lose confidence in ourselves during down times. It is very important to remember to love ourselves ..... More importantly, we should not forget to praise and encourage our family and friends at times when it is difficult for them.


Thanks Grace for your reply too,
I have asked her about the reason why she wants to revenge,
and she said she can't let the betrayers live a comfortable life.
I don't know when will be THE DAY she wake up and get over it,
last time she broke up with her ex, it took her nearly 10yrs to get over it,
as a matter of fact I am not even sure if she has gotten over the ex,
and now this one.... sigh...
I guess she is just unlucky in that sense.
But like my other friend likes to say:
凡可怜之人,必有可恨之处!
I don't want to think of her that way,
but I have to agree with it somehow...

_________________
不必为你所做的任何事情感到后悔,因为在那一刻,那就是你最想要的


週二 6月 12, 2007 2:18 pm
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 25, 2007 11:20 am
文章: 7131
來自: Boston
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Queen Amidala 寫:
GraceC 寫:
Very much agree with shortround & soo jen!! Queen Amidala, you have done what you can as a friend!! You may want to get her to think about why she wants to revenge like soo jen suggested. However, at the end of the day, she'll have to think it over herself and to get over it over time. There is nothing more you can do to help!! I was once in a similar situation like her and I was unhappy for about 3 months and I know all my friends were very concerned about me ... then suddenly one day, I woke up and thought to myself "why should I be unhappy over something that I did not do wrong?" and since that day on everything just totally turned around and I became a happy person once & for all.

It's a matter of life that we can lose confidence in ourselves during down times. It is very important to remember to love ourselves ..... More importantly, we should not forget to praise and encourage our family and friends at times when it is difficult for them.


Thanks Grace for your reply too,
I have asked her about the reason why she wants to revenge,
and she said she can't let the betrayers live a comfortable life.
I don't know when will be THE DAY she wake up and get over it,
last time she broke up with her ex, it took her nearly 10yrs to get over it,
as a matter of fact I am not even sure if she has gotten over the ex,
and now this one.... sigh...
I guess she is just unlucky in that sense.
But like my other friend likes to say:
凡可怜之人,必有可恨之处!
I don't want to think of her that way,
but I have to agree with it somehow...



Queen, I don't know if this will help, but you can use me as an example and let her know that soomeone else in this world was as unlucky as her maybe even worse. I had 4 different relationships so far.....i was once in a physically abusive relationship which i got beat up by my bf all the time; i was once in a relatioship that the guy couldn't commit to me as a boyfriend for 5 years but at the same time we did everything like a bf and gf would do; i was once in a relationship that the guy told me that he's a christian but did a lot of shady thing behind my back, and he totally broke my trust on human being and am still healing from it.
To be honest, i never have any revenge feelings to all of them because they showed me that they are not worth for me to do anything (good or bad) for them. I did do my best while I was with them, so I have no regret. :wink: 對得住自己良心是最重要的

_________________
咸豬 手痕之作 ~~

圖檔


週二 6月 12, 2007 4:16 pm
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註冊時間: 週日 2月 11, 2007 11:05 pm
文章: 2206
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Queen Amidala 寫:
So touching, thank you so much for your reply.
Don't worry about grammar, who cares about it?
Yes it was “志雲飯局”where I heard that thing :)
Thanks for reminding me coz I have a very bad memory.

I think what you said has shed some light to what and which direction I should think,
I think I have to change the position I am standing,
If she doesn't want me to pull her I will stand behind her.
Catch her when she falls.

But no, I cannot let go of her.
I have to hang around until the end.
This much I can do being a friend.


indeed, QA, it won't be easy to see the pain your friend is going thru...but ultimately she will have to be the one to choose for herself...as her friend, you can be behind her to catch her when she falls but you can't make her walk where or do what she is not ready to yet. she is fortunate to have your friendship. sometimes, people will have to fall before they can stand up again and relearn the steps to walk again...as her friend, i trust you would not only be walking behind but also beside her. of course, if you do observe or are worried she might do something that may harm her self and/or others, you may have to call in professional help...meanwhile, i do recommend you suggest to her about seeing someone professional to work thru her pain and clarify her direction. of course, again, still up to her to decide if she wants to do so. you could help to check out possible places she could go and give her the list or numbers and leave her to decide.


週二 6月 12, 2007 5:45 pm
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註冊時間: 週四 5月 03, 2007 10:24 pm
文章: 1122
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我在没信心的时候有一个办法,跟大家分享一下:
我会干一些自己很擅长的在短期就能获得满足感的事。打游戏啦,PS一张搞笑的图片啦,做测试题脑筋急转玩啦,爬山啦等等,每个人爱好不同可选也不同,在这些小挑战中取得胜利很容易就让自己觉得自己很了不起,然后就开心和有信心了。 :D

_________________
转战北京喽~~~~~~~~~~`
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週二 6月 12, 2007 6:10 pm
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